Fairy whisper!

Since turning 40 and having a baby, the combination has left me feeling like my MOT has run out, but not to feel defeated by nature I have enrolled myself into a Pilates class. You know, the one for core stability, alignment, muscle tone etc. The only class that fits in with nursery care is for the next step up from beginners and you need to have at least one year’s experience. Not having done Pilates before but knowing I will cope, I went to my local library and took out a book on the subject to bring me up to speed with any technicalities that I would possibly need.

The first and most important exercise is:
Centering – Creating a ‘Girdle of Strength’

Breathe in wide and full into your back and sides and lengthen up through the spine. As you breath out, contract and draw up the muscles of your pelvic floor as if you were to take the pelvic lift up to the first floor, then second floor, then third floor.
And I quote from the book “We know it sounds daft, but one way to help locate these muscles, (urethra in men and vagina in women), is to suck your thumb as you draw them up inside. Crazy, but effective!”

Ooh! Mmhh! I am probably doing it wrong. So I read the instructions again, put the book down and get into correct position, relax, breath in, breath out, suck thumb. Lift going up to the 1st floor, 2nd floor but before I get to the 3rd floor, there it is again – this fairy whisper tingling on my clitoris. I have no idea what it would do for men, but I thought, you crafty little buggers, all these children (and some adults too) sucking their thumbs – for comfort so they say, meantime there they are walking around with an ever so innocent fairy type vibrator.

Remember the time before the internet – when you would get this circular of a joke or mischief picture? It was a photocopy of a photocopy of another photocopy and it would do the rounds. Well many a photocopy passed my way, but there has always been this particular one that has remained in my memory. It is of these two lovely chubby naked babies. The baby boy sitting happy as ever with a dummy in his mouth; the baby girl happier with a dummy in her vagina; and the caption beneath: Girls have more fun!

«««Don’t you just love being a woman»»»

Watch this space for my Fairy Goddess Workshop.
First lesson: suck your thumb!

only in my sleep

I wish I could 'blog' in my sleep, because that's when all the 'words' flow. When I am awake, they just seem to vanish into the ether - but I am going to give it a shot.

To begin with, maybe an account of my earliest memory. They (whoever 'they' are) say that most of your earliest memories contain an element of trauma.

I remember being about two; we were living in Westgate, in Bulawayo, which was a railway housing estate (now demolished). There was a clinic just down the road from where we stayed. After having an immunisation injection, I was quite distressed from the event, and as my mom was carrying me home, I remember vomiting, crying, coughing and spluttering and feeling very poorly. My mom, however, was totally blase about the whole affair and just held me to one side to continue my 'business' and casually continued a conversation with another mom carrying a child.

What do you have to do to get a bit of sympathy in this world ???